The Fam Come to China Part 1

This was a very exciting and busy week for me here in Capital City. After months of anticipation the Seltzer clan finally made it to Beijing. Kevin stayed in Beijing for a week while Garry and DeDe toured parts of the east coast of China in Shandong Province. Kevin and I met up with the parents in Shanghai and spent four great days in China's financial capital. This blog post will cover the time Kevin and I spent together in Beijing.

Garry, DeDe, and Kevin came in on the night of the 16th. I went to their hotel near Tienanmen to meet them. While I waited for them I couldn't help but wonder what they would think of my life here. As I stood outside the Peninsula Hotel, one of the nicest and most expensive in the city, I was approached by a beggar woman and her baby. She looked to be in a bad way, worse than most. She did not want money instead she asked if she could have the water I was carrying. She wanted to give it to her child. I obliged and gave her a few kwai. This whole scene played out in front of a row of shops that includes Louis Vuitton, Versace, and Gucci. This scene, in a nutshell, summarizes China in my experience. Moments after this the car and it's precious cargo pulled up. Kevin yelled from the window and I saw their faces through the tinted glass. I was instantly back at home. They got out and we hugged and all that good stuff and then we checked into the hotel. The Peninsula hotel was amazing. Garry and DeDe were upgraded to the nicest hotel room I've ever been inside of without getting kicked out for trespassing. Kev and I stayed in what was the second nicest hotel room I've ever been in. The family was tired so Garry and DeDe went to bed while Kevin and I went to find some food before following suit.

The next day was packed with activities. We went on a Hutong tour north of the Forbidden City and then the family came out to Tongzhou to see my school, workmates, and friends. We got to my school just as classes were letting out and collected some of my friends before heading off to lunch. Jen, Kevin (NY), Bryne, and Cindy joined us for lunch at a restaurant located on Tongzhou's famous Restaurant Street. Lunch was nice. We all had Beijing Roast Duck and Cindy even showed us how to create the perfect wrap using nothing but chopsticks. I must take this opportunity to mention that everything I have and will describe in this blog post was meticulously and professionally filmed by Garry and Kevin Seltzer in order to be used in, what I think, will be the greatest DVD GKS Home Video has ever produced.

After lunch we headed back to the school and I gave them the full tour of my campus. Cindy accompanied us and will be the star of the upcoming DVD. We were even able to go into my classes where I introduces the family to my students. The kids got a real thrill out of seeing them and, as Garry kept the tape rolling, they all think they'll be movie stars soon. I was really glad they got to see what 60 kids in one class looks like. Following the tour of the campus I took them to the market near my school where I buy fruit and dumplings on occasion. Now is a good time to mention that Kevin formed something of an obsession with dumplings while visiting me. I think if you were to ask him today what Chinese words he remembers he would reply Baozi and Jiaozi, the names of two different types of dumplings. At one point Chinese people would say goodbye to them and he would just reply, 'Baozi'.

That evening we returned to the hotel before going to the Golden Jaguar for dinner. We went to a different branch of the Golden Jaguar that is located near the Peninsula Hotel. This one had the same delicious food as the other one but it was about 1/3 the size of the 'original'. This Golden Jaguar had a more extensive dessert table which I investigated thoroughly. After dinner jet lag set in on everyone even those of us who had not flown in the day before. A meal at the Golden Jaguar will do that to you. Garry and DeDe had to get up early and catch a flight to Qingdao so we said our goodbyes and goodnights early that evening. Garry had very generously arranged for us to have a tour guide and driver for the weekend. Kevin and I went out on Friday and toured the sites in the center of Beijing; we went to Tienanmen Square, The Forbidden City, and the Temple of Heaven. These are all places I've been before but it was fun to go with a tour guide this time. After a long day of touring Kev and I headed to a new hotel in the city.

That night we went out for a night on the town with Bryne. We first went to dinner and had a real authentic foreigner-in-China experience. At dinner there was a man and two women sitting at the table next to ours. I can't remember how it happened but I started talking to the man and before you know it he was pouring us shots of Baijiu, Chinese white lightning. I had told Kev about the etiquette in these sorts of situations and he was really good about not offending this guy. The man was totally focused on making me drink as much as possible. It finally ended with me a little worse for wear. After that we went to one of my favorite spots, Nan Jie. We had cheap drinks and a lot of fun. The next morning Kev and I got up quite early for a really long day of touring that included The Great Wall, a jade factory, the Ming Tombs, and the Summer Palace. That day we were joined on the tour by Mary-Ann and Dieter from Germany. I was initially upset that Kevin and I would have to deal with other people as we were a little under the weather from the night before. As it turned out Mary-Ann and Dieter were really a lot of fun and the nicest Germans I have ever met.

We went to a portion of the Great Wall that is not as busy as parts of the wall that are closer to Beijing. Wen we got there we realized that proximity to Beijing wasn't the only thing keeping most tourists away. The part of the wall where we were was damn steep. You can only understand the vastness of the wall once you are there. It snakes across 3,000 miles of China and in some extremely remote places. We got some good pictures and Kevin got some video of the whole thing. When we were leaving the wall there was a man with a bactrian camel and a wardrobe full of costumes. Kevin couldn't resist and paid the man his 40 kwai in order to dress like a Qing Dynasty emperor and ride the camel for 5 minuets. I have never seen anyone so entertained by anything as Dieter was seeing Kevin on that camel. After the wall we had lunch and headed to the Ming Tombs. The Ming Tombs is actually a large complex of tombs with a very large tomb in the middle for the first Ming emperor. It was very interesting especially the museum that housed some of the burial items from the tomb. After this leg of the tour we parted ways with Mary-Ann and Dieter and Kevin and I went on to the Summer Palace. It was a nice day so the Summer Palace was packed with people. The palace is located in the northwestern part of Beijing and was actually burned down and sacked by the British during the Opium Wars. The last empress of the Qing dynasty rebuilt it in the late 19th century. It is a really cool place with many different buildings and temples surrounding a large lake. The Summer Palace was out last stop for the day and that was a good thing because we were exhausted.

That night we went out with some friends from my school. We started at Nan Jie, yet again, and ended up at this big nightclub that is something of a Beijing landmark apparently. I was glad Kevin got to experience the assault on the senses that results from being in a Chinese night club.

On Sunday morning Kev and I went to get some dumplings in the morning before heading back to Tongzhou. I got Kevin checked into his hotel and gave him a tour of all the important sites in Tongzhou like where I eat noodles, buy dvd's, got my xbox, and buy food. That night we had some kind of delicious dinner. I can't remember where we went because it seemed like every meal I had while Kevin was in town was amazing. He even commented that, 'China is eating'. He's right. Food is cheap and delicious and not as bad for you as western food so you can afford to eat a ton of it all the time. Monday I had to work in the morning and then Kevin and I headed into the city with Cindy. We planned on going to the Capital Museum but it was closed for some sort of official event. We instead went to the Military Museum and that was interesting, especially with Cindy's commentary all of which was filmed by Kevin for the DVD. Like I said Cindy will be a star.

It was almost noon when we left the Military Museum in pursuit of nourishment. Cindy suggested we go to a place that she simply refers to as, 'The Noodle Dancing Place'. It is actually a really nice hotpot restaurant with amazing service. I think that Kevin got a personal escort to the bathroom. The hotpot was good but the best part came at the end when they brought out the noodle dancer. This is a guy who has a thin strip of dough that he whips around and stretches out through the course of his dance, hence Noodle Dancer. He had some good moves that I plan on stealing. After lunch we went shopping at a market where you can bargain and bargain we did. The stall workers are usually all over white people to buy things for ridiculous prices but once they saw we were with Cindy the happiness of the potential for ripping us off left their eyes and was replaced by a disdainful glare directed at Cindy. She bargained down several high ticket items and even got Kevin a pair of Jordans for pennies on the dollar. After shopping we headed back to Tongzhou and went to Cindy's apartment where her mom made Kevin jiaozi because I told her it was his favorite food. That night we went to have Korean BBQ and a few beers with Bryne.

On Tuesday I had to work all day so Kevin was out on his own. He went to Capital Museum and The Beijing Zoo. I tried to convince him to avoid the zoo because of the horror stories I've heard. Apparently they have very tiny spaces for most of their animals. Someone even told me that they still use cages for most exhibits. Kev also went to the aquarium which I didn't even know Beijing had. Unfortunately it rained all day on Tuesday. We hadn't had a full day of rain all year. Kev returned to the school and we played basketball with the PE teachers. Kevin was good and the PE teachers were impressed. Again we ate. On Wednesday Kev and I went to the Lama Temple which is a Tibetan Buddhist temple in the north eastern part of the city. After that we went to a big shopping street and had some lunch before going for a longer look at Tienanmen Square and the new Beijing Opera House which is under construction. That evening we again played basketball and ate well.

Thursday I had to work all day and Kev was a bit tired from all the activities of the previous week. He actually attended my conversation class and I used him in an exercise. The kids were giddy. After my conversation class Cindy invited Kevin to do a Q&A session with her class. Kevin agreed and was asked some bizarre questions like 'Do you like Allen Iverson?' and 'Do you think Audrey Hepburn was a great woman?' That evening we relaxed and I packed for our trip to Shanghai.

I was really glad to see Kevin and be able to spend time with my brother. For those of you who don't know Kevin he graduated law school four days before coming to see me. He must have been looking forward to this trip for multiple reasons. I'm glad he got to meet many of my friends and see me in the classroom.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Fam Comes to China. Highlights include Garry becoming the emperor of China with me as his foreign counsel, me chatting it up with Cameron Diaz, and steel balls of fiery death.

May Vacation

This post has been a long time coming. Things have been busy around here recently. The first week of May was yet another 'Golden Week' here in China in honor of International Labor Day. A week off for Labor Day means, yet again, that an estimated 120,000 million people were on the move to various vacation spots. One that is popular among Beijingers is Beidaihe. I went there with Jenny, a foreign teacher from New Zealand. We left on the Monday of that week off because I had to work Sunday. I had to administer a mid-term exam for the Korean students. Man are those kids lazy. I had a few students sleeping through the examination. I was perplexed because this would NEVER happen with the Chinese students. The Korean students are generally more 'westernized' than the Chinese so maybe their malaise and lack of motivation can be chalked up to that fact.

We headed out by bullet train on Monday morning at 6:20 a.m. This was an early start by any standards but factor in that we live over an hour from the main railway station and I had to wake up at 4:45. After an hour and a half on the train we were in Beidaihe. This is a popular location for the Communist Party elite and there are many high end stores and fancy, sprawling, and gated resorts to accommodate them. We stayed at a ramshackle joint. The weather in Beijing has been pleasant to warm recently but in Beidaihe it was cool with a stiff sea breeze ushering in colder air from the Bohai Sea. One of my main reasons for going on this excursion was to get some sun and surf time but that was quite limited due to the weather and icy cold water. At the time of our arrival there were very few people in the town but by day two the streets were humming with people.

Our second day on the coast Jenny and I took a bus north to the larger, more cosmopolitan city of Qinhuangdao. The beaches there were fantastic and the weather a bit warmer. After taking in some of the scenery we headed north again to a town whose name escapes me. It is near this town that the Great Wall ends in the ocean. This was the main impetus for heading there. The city has an old wall that incorporates itself into the Great Wall as well. This was my first trip to any part of the Great Wall and I was kind of excited to be going to such a famous destination. They call this part of the wall 'The Dragon's Head' due to the fact that the Chinese say that the Great Wall looks like the back of a dragon. Jenny was expecting an actual dragon's head at the end of the wall but she was sorely disappointed. The wall actually goes about 60 feet into the ocean. It was quite busy there that day but the other tourists could in no way take away from the experience. There was also a large stone maze within the fort that was created to man this critical post in the wall. The maze was pretty big but I dominated it. I know it seems childish to brag about such accomplishments, but damn did I dominate that maze. It made me realize that I've always been good at mazes. Ever since I was a kid I could easily handle the mazes on the kids menu. Opportunities for maze completion exercises have been few and far between as I've gotten older but it was good to see that I still have the skills. After basking in my success for some time Jenny and I headed to find a place to eat. We ended up taking a three wheeled car to a local restaurant. Three wheeled cars are somewhat common in China and until this point I had not taken one. It is really just a glorified motorcycle with a full cab over the frame. It was fun. The restaurant was good and I believe that we were the first white people to ever go there. In the evening we returned to Beidaihe.

We went out for dinner and were focused on keeping it relatively cheap. We found a small outdoor restaurant that had tanks and tanks of various edible sea creatures. We settled into a table and ordered some fish. The fish was good but about halfway through I saw a man eating small crabs. I told Jenny of my fondness for crabs and she suggested I get some. I ordered three small crabs and when they came I realized that I really only enjoy the claws. What do you eat on the inside of a crab if you can't eat the claw meat? I attempted to find an answer to that question but I'm afraid it is nothing. We lingered a bit more and enjoyed a couple of beers and then finally asked for the check. 500 kwai. 500 kwai for a fish three crabs and four beers. It was price gouging of the highest order. We complained and protested for a while but just admitted defeat, paid the bill, and left cursing the place all the way home. The truth of it is that we should have asked before we ordered but what is equally true is that they saw a couple of white faces and decided to take advantage. It happens. Hell, foreigners in the US get it a lot worse than that on a daily basis I'm sure.

The next morning we were scheduled to head back to Beijing. I was feeling awful. I'm not sure, but I believe it was the crab guts that got to me. I was sic as a dog and with no bullet train tickets available we had to take the bus. This meant that what could have been a hour and a half long trip ended up being 4 hours. I was feeling like hell the whole time. We finally made it back to Beijing and my dormitory and I just slept for the next few days. I was alright after that. Damn those guys and their over priced poisonous crabs.

Friday of last week was the final day of one of the biggest music festivals of the year in Beijing, the MIDI Festival. This year it was held in a park in the Northwest part of Beijing. They had five stages each featuring a different type of music. My favorite was the Chinese Folk stage. It wasn't folk music as in traditional Chinese music, it was American Folk-inspired Chinese music. It was actually quite good and I ended up spending most of my time there. On the other stages they had screaming metal bands, Chinese hip-hop acts, Drum and Bass, and high pitched singing metal bands. I ended up staying out there for the better part of eight hours before heading to a restaurant and bar in the university district of Wudokou. From there I went to a club cleverly called Propaganda. It is one of the better places in the area but it mainly attracts a younger crowd of Korean students who study at the major universities in the area. As I walked in with Bryne I noticed a kid staring at me. I pointed him out to Bryne and he made an awful realization that this kid was in fact a student of his. I was displeased. I spent the rest of my time there trying to avoid doing anything ridiculous which is quite the task for me. I left later confident that my image in the Korean community was still intact.

This weekend I will go to Xi'an, home to the Terra Cotta Army and the tomb of the first emperor of China. This Emperor Qin was a maniac. He drank mercury because he believed it would give him strength and creativity and he also built the Great Wall. He was the first person to unify the land of China and he did it in quite bloody fashion. This guy was a total narcissist. He had construction on his tomb begin when he was a teenager. What kind of teenager plans their tomb lay out to include and army of terracotta and rivers of mercury representing all the rivers in the kingdom? Would China have been better off if he had just been thinking about girls and beer like other teenagers? Hopefully I'll be able to answer these questions by the time I return. I will also be traveling by myself for the first time so I'm anxious to see how that goes. Hopefully my Chinese is up to snuff and I don't get sold into white slavery. My trip will only be three days long as I must return to greet Garry, DeDe, and Kevin Seltzer in Beijing. I am thrilled to see them and can't wait. They have put in a special request to go to the Golden Jaguar. It is an experience I can not deny them. Dsai Jien